When I found out we were buying a glider, I imagined one of those bing-winged contraptions that people jump off of mountains while suspended below by cheap aluminum poles. I was not excited because I've never enjoyed the thought of plummeting thousands of feet to my death. I'd much rather be caught off guard by my demise; not fall for 2 or 3 minutes anticipating the impact. I already know that I'll die from decapitation, but that's a blog for another day.
Anyway, back to the kind of glider we're buying (pictured below) -- it is apparently one of the most important decisions a young, expecting couple makes. I know this because we've looked at more pictures and models than I believed possible. We've compared prices, appearance, ratings by ambiguous baby safety entities -- we even asked a few infants at our church if they enjoyed their gliding experience as newborns. They mostly just drooled and asked for Kool-Aid as a response.
Nonetheless, may I introduce you to the "Glider Rocker and Ottoman 37779CB from Shermag." You may be asking yourself, "Why did they choose the Glider Rocker and Ottoman 3779CB from Shermag?" Well I'll tell you my friends. Amenities. It all comes down to which Glider Rocker and Ottoman has the most perks. Let me tell you a few of the amenities that this model claims to have:
1) "Special Pockets" - I plan on using these to store snacks, my paddleball, and my copy of Fathering for Dummies
2) "Many years of gliding pleasure" - Davis may find it awkward that I'm still rocking him at 14 years old, but I want to get my money's worth
3) "Multi-purpose brake system" - I know that I really enjoy a good rocking session, and sometimes I get carried away. For those times when I get over 83 rocks per minute I can immediately hit the brakes
4) "Worry-free gliding" - Yes! You can tell from the opening of this blog that I had a little anxiety about gliding. Now, the company guarantees that I can glide worry free!
If you think I'm making this up, check out the website and look under features.
3 comments:
1. Can you let friends (like myself) glide when we come visit?
2. I most definately want to know about your "death by decapitation". Sounds fun.
Nice. And hilarious. I wonder whose glider would have won the "fly out of the truck at 60 mph and survive" challenge...
Point goes to Turnbull Glider.
Michael I just found your blog and this is hilarious!! And yes...the glider is a big decision. ;) Well maybe more for Mommy than Daddy, but alas it is a tough call. I do find it funny that Ben and I did the same thing and finally settled on a very nice, cushy, glider that we both fell in love with and the only thing that would settle Isaac down for the first 3 months of his life was us bouncing up and down on a yoga ball until he fell asleep. I can't even recall how many countless nights I sat bouncing at 3 am! I guess Davis will let you know his preference when he gets here. :)
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