Thursday, July 9, 2009

Fatherhood Rite of Passage #3

Posted by Michael and Susanne Napp




I've never been a big fan of urine and feces. I mean, I understand that it's necessary and all....and I can ALMOST see the beauty in God's design from the Biological side of things. However, from a big picture point of view, urine and feces aren't way up there on my list of favorite things. Until now.
If there is a diaper to be changed in the Napp house -- I'm in! Give it to me! I love it! Seriously, it's a little odd, but I enjoy changing my little dude's nasty diapers. The messier the better. It's the competitor in me looking for a challenge I guess. You may be asking yourself, "Self, what does this have to do with rites of passage?" Well Self, here's the answer. Many times, with boys, there are inherent dangers when changing diapers. Fatherhood rite of passage #3 is getting peed on by your son.
Everyone who has changed my kids diaper has been peed on. We're not talking about a little leaky diaper or a small spot on a shirt. Imagine a firehose filled with 99 degree liquid and you'll have a better idea. The list of people Davis has peed on is long and distinguished (insert favorite Top Gun quote here). Michael and Sus - Check. Mimi and Juju - Check. Sister - Check. Aunt Mary got pooped on so....- Check. Even my sweet Grannie got soaked. Poppa is keeping D for a couple of days next week, so he may be added to the list soon.
I've got a plan for revenge. When Davis is in his early teens - say 13 or 14 - I'm going to pee on him. Your jaw just dropped.....but why? What's so wrong with it? He peed on me first! So, when he's swimming in a pool, or standing on the 18th tee box, or accepting his 8th grade diploma, he'll have the same sensation I've experienced. For a few seconds he'll be thinking, "Why is my shirt very warm and wet all of a sudden..." Then he'll now the bitter taste of revenge. Hopefully it won't scar him too deeply.

4 comments:

Bull said...

I'm with you on the revenge thing. I went ahead and told Kate that her rules are too restrictive, that I hate her, and I never want to talk to her again. That way she can know now how I'm going to feel when she is a teenager.

Anonymous said...

Can I be there when it happens? Like being punked or something...I'll jump out from behind the bush and scream "HAHAHA YOU JUST GOT PEEEEEEEEEED ON!" Can't wait.

The Coles said...

I have not been peed on (yet)... and I will call DHR on behalf of D when you pee on him... that is cruel

The Coles said...

I forgot... D did pee on me! I wasn't changing him though... I was simply holding him wiht his back against my chest and suddenly felt it raining on my feet...however, I will NEVER pee on him in revenge.

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